Runner's Low

Sometimes the highs bring about the most unexpected lows. I ran in a 10k race last Saturday; it was my best 10k time to date, and I placed 3rd in my age group. I was ecstatic and I was super sore. Husband and I went out Saturday night, partied it up, and had a great time with friends.

I woke up Sunday toying with the idea of trying to complete a long, slow run of about 10 miles. Sunday came and went. Monday I was still sore and it was hot and I was just feeling lazy/wanted to get our guestroom in order for our Labor Day guests. Tuesday, I was all gung-ho on the way home, drove with the windows down to get used to the heat (95 degrees! Lots of humidity! Awesome!), walked in the house, and instantly lost all motivation. I wanted to cook dinner and hang with Hubs. As the night wore on, I started to think all sorts of awful self-deprecating thoughts that just ate away at me (you could have run that race a lot faster, the first 2 girls in your age group were at least 3 minutes faster, you can do that, why didn’t you do that, etc., etc. etc.). Wednesday, I woke up grumpy and cranky. I let all those feelings eat away at me all day. I got home feeling pretty terrible about myself (by this point, the bad thoughts were now taking it out on my overall appearance. Not good. At all. [Why is this at the core of so many women’s insecurities?! Hate it!]).
I begrudgingly put on my running clothes and set off towards the track. I got about 3solid 800s in when my back started to pinch and my stomach started to churn. I drank some water, walked a lap and set off again. I got a couple more 800s in before I just felt really terrible, I set off toward home. I was disappointed I didn’t get the 10x800s in I wanted (I think I got around 7? I lost count; I have that problem big time at the track. I need to bring a notebook or something.) But something happened on my run home, rather than worry about how my run wasn’t perfect, my grey cloud lifted. I ran today! I ran over 5 miles today! There are so few people in my life who can even do that! I took a shower and caught myself singing and plotting tomorrow’s run.

The more and more running grabs a hold of me, the more I’m realizing how much I truly need it. A missed run or two has a cascading effect that I’m only beginning to understand the repercussions of. This week serves as an incredible example. I deserved Sunday off for my performance on Saturday, but Monday and Tuesday? That was being lazy and making excuses. Understanding how I can put off something that brings me so much joy and satisfaction is difficult. A lot of the time, I find myself not running because I feel bad about not spending time with Husband (who I should note, is completely supportive of my running and in no way would ever want me to put off a run for his sake). He will be there when I get back, I will be happier when I get back, and our time together will be vastly improved because I got off my butt and got moving. I have to remember running is my hobby and a large part of my mental space is consumed with it. Make an hour a day for it, Amy. Just do it. (swoosh.)