tik tok

I have reached this point in my life where I am consistently being held emotionally hostage by my body. If I don't run, I get melancholy, even if its a scheduled day off. More than that, my body is aching to have a baby. Physically, aching. I've tried to explain this to others, but its nearly impossible to describe without having experienced first hand.

I've been married for 3 years now and I've known I've wanted to have babies more or less since I started dating the husband. The baby situation ramped up severely once we bought the house.

I realized this week, I think about babies (or 'the children' as I like to refer to them) everyday, probably for a total of 2-4 hours a day. A DAY. I think about where I'll take them for daycare or will my parents watch them? Will one of us be able to stay home with them? I'd like for one of us to stay home...I'll have to get up really early in the mornings to run and we'll have to organize dinner further in advance as we won't be able to eat dinner at 730pm anymore as we'll have to have them in bed by then..

everyday, those thoughts, over and over.

and so, I ache. the situation will remedy itself eventually. we will have kids in the next 2 years, but this interim aching is really starting to make me cramp.