Remembering

December 2005

I was 22, living with Eric in Benson and trying to pretend to be a grown up. I worked at Crane about 30 hours a week and spent way too much money on clothes I didn’t need and didn’t spend enough on decent food to eat. I wanted Pat to ask me to marry him so badly. I felt pretty self righteous about everything. I spent my time with the coffee shop girls, drank a lot at the Homy Inn and Brothers Lounge. I still had the blue blazer. Eric and Emily were starting to fall in love. I listened to a lot of ryan adams and kanye west. I had a pet turtle that ate better that I did. I took Spanish and really liked it. Overall, I was your average 22 year old. I thought I had it all figured out and everything would fall perfectly in order according to my grand plan.

I bought a fake little Christmas tree from Big Lots and put it in Eric’s living room. Wrapped all the presents with fancy ribbons and reassured myself I was satisfied. In reality, I was lonely. I missed being around my family all the time and I didn’t like working at the coffee shop so much. But I would never, ever let myself believe it, so matter how strongly I felt it.

I was gearing up for a trip to San Francisco over New Years with Pat, where we would hang out with Bob and Katie and Ashley flew up from Long Beach to stay with us too. I booked and paid for the trip all by myself. I was soo big. I remember I caught a terrible cold before our trip and I drank so much Nyquil just to try to rest before the flight. I remember cuddling with Pat on the airplane and being very excited to go.

I would have never imagined myself a runner or athlete of any sort. Exercise never crossed my mind at all. Even when I attempted to ride my bike to school. That was purely to be cool, not exercise.

I don’t feel a lot of nostalgia for December 2005. I’m glad I moved out and I’m glad I had to pay bills and whatnot for a year. But when Pat proposed in February 2006, I was relieved to have an excuse to move back home. I had my big room back and all the food was paid for.

I'm glad it's December 2010.